We’ve all had those breakups…the ones that make you crumble and feel like you can’t move on…the ones that make you feel like you were punched in the gut and can no longer catch your breath. And here we are…living and breathing…and doing all the things we didn’t think we could do without that particular person. Breaking up sucks and yet, it’s gotta be one of the most common experiences we all have collectively as humans. Because as humans, it is in our nature to live in community and to find another human to love and to procreate with (let’s be real…biology). Anyhow, let’s talk about breaking up and finding hope when all hope was lost.
Graduating college and having absolutely no ties to anyone or anything was the biggest blessing that could have ever happened to me. At the time, I was depressed and very sick for several months pre and post graduation. The break up that shaped my self worth and self esteem couldn’t have been at a worse time in my life. But I am so damn thankful that it happened. Had it not happened the way that it did, I know for a fact that I would have flipped my life upside for a man that ultimately would not have done the same for me. And that’s not to say anything bad about him, we just weren’t the right humans for one another and there’s nothing wrong that. Regardless, because we broke up when we did, it gave me the opportunity to leave my hometown and start my career in any city I wished. I applied for a position in Portland, Oregon not thinking anything would come of it but I got the job and moved everything I owned into a tiny studio apartment in the middle of the city, living out all my dreams. To this day, I am thankful for the breakup and for all the darkness and shitty days that that entailed. I am a better human because of it.
Breaking up with someone you thought you would spend your life with is devastating. In fact, when I first started writing this blog post I named it “Breaking up & the Hurting that follows”. It seems that even after all this time, the first thing that comes to mind after a difficult break up is the hurting. But I remind myself how much growth the end of that particular relationship brought me and I continue to be so thankful for the way everything happened. I would not be the person I am today without him, the relationship, or the break up.
In the midst of everything that happened, I found yoga…or yoga found me really. Yoga brought light to all of the pain that I had suffered. It brought light to it and because of that, yoga brought healing and self-love. Healing, for me, looked like a reason to get out of bed; it looked like falling asleep without crying; it looked like looking into the mirror and actually seeing the woman behind the facade; it looked like finding a deeper love for myself and for others.
My advice for healing involves finding a passion, finding your self-worth, finding love for yourself and others, and most importantly, learning to let go. With those things and dedicated hard work, healing will prevail. I won’t tell you that things will end up the way you want them or even that they will be okay because I can’t promise that. I will say that things will be different and THAT is what is okay. Change can be good, even if change is hard. So don’t give up. Be kind to yourself and to others.
I realized that this month represents 2 years of yoga and 2.5 years post-life-altering break up. 2016 and 2017 were years of healing. What can 2018 bring me? We shall see.
Much love, B.